Note to readers: the following column first appeared in April 2018. In the six years that have passed, the topic is still relevant and continues to be a frustration for myself and like-minded individuals. The topic came to mind a few weeks ago when a friend opened the discussion and expressed her annoyance that she can’t find suitable adornments for her ears.
That column is reprised this week, to show that as much as things change they also remain the same.
A recent ramble through an unsolicited mail order catalogue brought me to the pages displaying jewelry “to meet every discriminating taste.”
That claim was a load of hooey. Certainly, the jewelry available for order consisted of necklaces and chains of all lengths and designs, bracelets for wrists and ankles, rings for fingers and toes, indeed something for almost everyone.
But the earrings that matched the bracelets and necklaces and rings, or boxed as individual sales items, fell below the mark of suiting all discriminating tastes. In fact, all of them discriminated not so much against my taste but against my ability to wear them as they are meant to be attached.
One dangly pair caught my attention described in glowing terms: elegant design with sparkling crystals, tarnish-free, hanging 2 1/2 inches from the ear lobe to swirl with head movement. Those, I thought, would look spiffy with that new red top I bought awhile ago and haven’t had an occasion to wear just yet.
But wait. This set and all the others are meant to be worn by individuals who have holes in their ears, put there for the sole purpose of wearing earrings for pierced ears. Bummer, and definitely discrimination against someone lacking those holes in the ear lobe or any other body part.
I should not have been surprised at the construction of the earrings. In fact, most earrings have posts that go through the holes and clasp at the back with a secure device. Modern jewelry designers obviously know their main markets and anyone without ear holes is simply not a high priority in the matter of sales potential.
To their credit, some designers will offer to switch the earring to a clip-on style but there’s usually a waiting period and a higher cost associated with this style of accessory. And in this particular catalogue, clip-ons were not an option.
I blame my parents, and some of my childhood girlfriends for my old-fashioned ear lobes. When my friend was talked into having her ears pierced by another friend, I was invited to have mine done too so the three of us would have matching ears. My parents were opposed, saying something to the effect “that if I had been meant to have holes in my head, I would have been born with holes in my head.” End of discussion.
However, their decree didn’t stop me from going along to the kitchen of our mutual friend where she got out ice cubes, safety pins and a ruler, plus a towel. She marked the spots on the ears and then used the ice cubes to freeze the spots. Then to my horror, she plunged the pin through the lobe, dabbed off the blood and fastened the pin before doing the same with the other ear. I remember looking at the blood on the towel and the pins in the ears and thinking maybe I wasn’t all that excited about pierced ears after all.
As it turned out, my friend got an infection and had to have medical attention before having her ears re-pierced by a professional, with skills and clean equipment.
All these years later I have no desire for pierced ears — except when I can’t find any screw backs or clip-on earrings that don’t look like something my Grandmother might have worn.
I did find some vintage clip-ons that sounded lovely until I read the fine print: “previously enjoyed but in good condition. Sterilization required.”
I have safety pins that might be safer. No holes in the head for me at this stage of my life. Surely there are others with the same kind of ears. Maybe we could start a club.
Joyce Walter can be reached at [email protected]
The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the position of this publication.
