A sense of betrayal often leads to people holding a grudge against the one who has deceived them. I was recently reading a book on the life of the ancient Roman senator and famous orator Cicero. He often spoke against Julius Caesar's appointment as dictator by the Senate of Rome, however, he was not directly involved in the assassination plot against Caesar. Brutus, who was involved in the assassination, was the recipient of a grudge held by Mark Anthony and Octavian (later Ceasar Augustus) against him for over two years until they defeated him in battle and Brutus committed suicide. Octavian also held a grudge against Cicero while seeming to be his friend. The grudge played out in 43 BC when Octavian authorized the killing of Cicero.
A grudge is defined as a feeling of deep-seated resentment or ill will. Grudges can be held for years. Many relationships in friendships and families have been destroyed because of a grudge. Sometimes if only the parties would air the grudge openly and honestly it may be dissipated and the relationship restored.
In the 1200s the English language borrowed the Anglo-French verb grucher and morphed it into a noun meaning grumbling or complaining (spelled either grucchen or grudgen). The term grouch is thought to be a descendant. Eventually the English spelling became grudge. Virginia Woolf (1882-1941) penned, “if you come to grudge even the sun for shining … fruit does not ripen.”
Grudge began to be used as a verb in the 14th century, meaning to be unwilling to admit or allow reluctantly or resentfully. He grudges the time spent commuting to work each day after the company ordered all office workers to work on site again.
Grudging has been used to describe someone who is reluctant, or something done sparingly. She has been a grudging supporter of the team ever since they traded away the star player. The public has given grudging respect to the Prime Minister over the past few years. She was a grudging supporter of the reform movement. After graduation the students had a grudging admiration for the college professor.
Malice, malevolence, ill will, spite, malignity, spleen, and grudge all imply a desire to see another experience pain, injury, or distress.
Malice suggests a deep-seated, often unexplainable, desire to see another suffer. It is often used with a negative, as malice is considered an evil and immoral craving. They felt no malice towards their former enemies.
Malevolence implies a bitter persistent hatred that is likely to be expressed in malicious actions. For some reason serial killers usually have a mind and heart consumed with malevolence.
Ill will means a feeling of dislike of limited duration. Ill will is often triggered by a careless remark.
Spite suggests petty feelings of envy and resentment that are often expressed in small harassments. At the Christmas party Jim was the butt of many jokes which engendered spite within him, so back at work he hurled daily niggling insults at every opportunity and the workplace became very tense.
Malignity indicates deep hurtful passion and relentlessness. The grumpy old man down the street had a life consumed by motiveless malignity.
Spleen implies the wrathful release of latent nastiness or persistent vindictiveness. At the coffee shop every morning he vented his spleen against politicians of every stripe.
Grudge means a harbored feeling of resentment or animosity. After the divorce she embraced a grudge against her husband for his actions during their marriage.
In these early days of 2025 consider airing with your friends, family, or acquaintances any grudges you may have held in the past. Lasting relationships are important for mental wellbeing and sometimes can be salvaged by talking about any reasons for the grudges. Plus, grudges can eat you up inside if left simmering for a long time. A happy life is precious.
