Tricia Lot Williford says: “The only way to conquer youth entitlement is one house at a time . . . and perhaps one mom at a time.”
Parenting isn’t for the faint of heart. It is, in my opinion, the hardest job in the world; however, it is also the most rewarding knowing that we have great influence in the generations to come.
As parents, we have a responsibility to our children, to raise them up to contribute to society, to be a living example of empathy for the betterment of their community, all the while building on a solid work ethic and a sense of personal responsibility for themselves, their family and beyond. Taking responsibility first as a parent is a challenge in itself.
I’ve realized, from my own experience, that it is also fulfilling and satisfying to take that vested interest and follow through with my commitments. Teaching responsibility is challenging and it requires responsibility on our part to live it before our children! Enforcing consequences when not followed through is also a tough job but you will see growth and reward if you do not give up. Find someone, whether it is a spouse or a friend, who will support you as you make these changes.
Delayed gratification is another great life lesson to learn. Teaching our children that it’s okay to wait; it’s okay not to have something immediately when they want it is good. Anticipation for something that has been saved for is a gift. Teaching our children that they do not need to have the latest and greatest of toys, clothes, electronics or what have you helps not only with training them to be more grateful for things but is easier on your check book as well. Avoid excess. This leads to unrealistic expectations.
Give them two gifts. First, let them learn to problem solve. Second, let them contribute to the family chores. These are closely related. As tempting as it is to swoop in and do things for your kids, doing so puts them on the fast track to learned helplessness. This coupled with not having to contribute to family chores translates into something ugly — the very real belief that they are entitled to people doing things for them in childhood and adulthood. And that is not cute at any age. Do less for your kids.
Both of our girls started doing their own laundry in Grade 6. Hubby has taught Big Sweet Pea how to change oil and tires, detail vehicles, simple vehicle maintenance such as changing brakes or burned out headlights/taillights. Our girls have both learned how to use a hammer, an electric drill, apply drywall mud, paint, vacuum, and even drive a horse. Don’t hesitate to train your children in adult jobs. Yes, they will make mistakes. Yes, it will take time and consistency on our part but the rewards of seeing your children empowered to accomplish challenging tasks are really worth it.
American writer Robert Heinlein suggests, “Don’t handicap your children by making their lives easy.”
The reality is kids aren’t born feeling entitled or spoiled. They learn it from well-intentioned parents who don’t realize they’re teaching it by giving in to demands. As we take inventory of our lives, we can begin to make the necessary changes for success in our own lives, homes and beyond.
Our children can grow up to be appreciative, knowledgeable, respectful, honest, and compassionate contributors in their homes and society. Let’s change the world one child at a time.
